its not in the white that you really think,
nor is it the the black.
it washes over us as we peer into the gray;
for in the white,
all seems well.
the gray is hidden,
and the brightness makes us grin and close our minds.
and in the black, we dare not look at,
for what we dont dare to see.
it reigns in the shadows of our souls,
and out of fear, we turn back.
but when we dip into another realm,
such as october in the evening,
the sky is one even cloud,
and the world,
is cold and gray.
the bare tress bend,
and the dead leaves rustle with the angry wind.
it is ghastly calm,
but,
this is when we can truly see.
it is not so black that we run away,
nor is it so white that we look it past.
as i took a stroll in the park,
i start to ponder and visits my haunting thoughts.
of the white and of the black.
what truly lies within us,
its hidden in that eerie gray.
that dwindles and totters,
and soon washes away.


kin.
---------------------------------------
listening to : try by nelly furtado

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry, the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

someday i will learn.
someday i will know.
someday i will figure out why.
someday i will come to realise whats worth and whats not.
someday i will let go and that when this heart will stop.

some things are not meant to be said.
am just going with the flow. weeeeee~



*feeling yellow.

sitting in my room and staring at my computer screen for the past hours.
couldnt help myself but to think about certain stuff.
i dont know what when wrong.
one solve, ten new ones appear.
seriously, this is the worst days of my life.
aint 2009 suppose to be a better year of me?

i really need to control my emotions.
if this carry on,
i think im gonna breakdown again soon.


simplicity has never existed,
gray, never black nor white,
logic before emotions, happily never after.


im off to bed, trying to get some sleep. my insomia has reached its max and i ended up not sleeping at all of the past 2 days. not even a 5 minutes nap. my body cant take anymore torture.